What I Want

*Red highlights are things from the KettleWorx workbook

What I would like to "Make Happen" on my body: 
I would like to be thinner. Not a skinny skeleton man like I was 10 years ago, but "normal".
I would like for my knees to not hurt like hell when I bend or run.
I would like to be able to kneel and get up from the floor without having to hold on to something.
I would like to be able to run if I need to.
I would like to be able to play sports.


How I feel about my body and health right now: 
I feel gross and uncomfortable. Being this way makes me feel depressed because it feels like there's a wall in the way, but the wall is me. I feel trapped and I don't feel like I am living the best life I can be living. It REALLY does feel like all this weight is pulling me down.
Not just because of how I look, but because I feel like I'm almost an invalid since I'm limited in what I can do physically. It also pulls me down socially because I have very little self confidence.
I also don't like being out of breath (smoking is a problem there and I'm working on that as well). I don't like drinking to be the only thing I like to do because it's what I'm used to and I feel like I can't do much more than that since it's easiest to just sit around drinking.


==

Wow that was le feels :P
Felt good to get that all out there though.